Arrangement Paused! Now What?

Hi Everyone, Recently I’ve been dealing with some relationship issues and identity questions related to my Key Holder (KH) role. Just the other day, my partner in Male Chastity (MC) and I decided to pause our arrangement for a bit. It’s been quite upsetting, and I was hoping you could all help me out by sharing your thoughts. For those who missed my introductory post: we’re both late-20s, have been together just over a year, but haven’t lived in a strict relationship because we’ve resided about a semi-long drive apart until now. He brought up the idea of chastity last winter and bought a Jailbird (JB) this spring—it doesn’t fit perfectly yet, so we’re considering getting something shorter and made of stainless steel. He eased me into the MC concept, and I’m really enjoying the lifestyle now: having fun and appreciating how attentive and sentimental he’s becoming. Fast forward to a few months later: I picked up a seasonal job 3.5 hours away for six weeks. For me, it’s fine; I’ll return once a week… teasing, denying, rinsing, repeating. I keep him locked for 5-8 days between my time off, which gives us both something to look forward to. I send him homework he must complete while there, and sometimes issue punishments that require documentation via Snapchat. On the other hand, he’s experiencing different challenges. At first it was great, but his job (let’s call it a skilled tradesman role) demands much from him, as do others who need time-intensive results. He found wearing the JB as often as I wanted to be, in his words, “impossible.” It wasn’t just because of the 90-degree humidity recently, but also due to our distance. He said he couldn’t stop thinking about me, and it interfered with his work ability; having the device on 24/7 felt like a mental block for other thoughts during the day. He became almost obsessive in certain ways. I had left a key hidden in his apartment and eventually told him where it was to let himself out for a few days. I hated doing this but gave him several orders as punishment (though, oddly enough, they felt somewhat like rewards!). I told him he could have a breather but would be going back into the device after at most one week. We talked more about how logistical issues were affecting our emotions. Eventually, he admitted he wanted to suspend the arrangement until I returned. I agreed that suspending was better than letting him dictate events while I am away as KH, though I went from furious to just disappointed. He said he doesn’t want things to end completely but wants a middle-ground solution if I can find one and feel comfortable with it (he suggested putting the device on two days before my visit as a lead-up, then letting him out after I leave). Transitioning from being a fairly vanilla Submissive to now a KH/D has been hard for me. I’m struggling with this in-between state. I want him to be uncomfortable (in a good way) and maintain my control over what should ideally be an FLR/arrangement, but without rushing so fast that he can’t cope. Any thoughts, suggestions, or similar stories would help greatly. Thanks.:cry:

I can't find my blog post on this topic, but Mrs. Edge and I faced similar issues years ago. The key point is that *your* life/lifestyle hasn't changed much, while *his* has undergone a major, possibly drastic shift. Wait, this post on "Chastity in Real Life" might help you out. Ironically enough, wearing a chastity device makes you think about sex even more; the weight of it is a constant reminder. When you're new to it, you are constantly fiddling and adjusting, and at night, you lack the ability to calm down with a nice, relaxing wank. You go to bed horny and wake up even hornier. Being away from you means that close, intimate time isn't there to help relieve the frustration. My suggestion is to "allow" him to remove the device for a relaxing wank (under your supervision however possible long-distance), and then have him relock a day or so before you return. Some guys really need to wade into this gradually rather than jumping in headfirst.

> member_e8b50ac94c wrote: > He brought up the thought of chastity last winter, and bought a JB this spring (doesn't fit perfectly though, and we're thinking about getting something shorter and stainless). If it truly is a MM Jailbird (JB), then it is stainless steel and can be modified to fit better. I had my JB shortened just this past year. It cost more than a base ring or gap size change but was less expensive than buying a new one entirely. If my JB or WM didn't fit well, I would feel discouraged too. Tom is correct that some people (like me) jumped into this lifestyle 24/7 immediately. There are those who may need to ease into it over time.

Truth in advertising: I DO NOT claim to be an expert in chastity. My lovely wife and I are on an incredible journey "learning by doing." That being said: I agree with the other feedback you've received so far, especially regarding wading in before diving headfirst. I’ve read many fantasies where the wife/SO "locks him in a cage forever" or keeps him locked for a year. It could be that this really does happen with some couples, but IMHO—I doubt it... For me, being able to masturbate almost daily instead of only getting release every other week was a huge change. At first, it was weekly, but the durations in chastity are slowly and steadily increasing as Mama gets more comfortable. When you add non-chastity-related stressors, it can easily become overwhelming, especially considering the emotional aspects of being in chastity (i.e., continuous "horniness," physical aspects of the cage, etc.). I don't know *how anyone* could go from NOT being in chastity to full-time, long-term chastity without going crazy. I'd recommend a LONG discussion about your mutual goals regarding chastity. The right answer might involve building up longer periods while you're together, but having shorter initial periods when apart. Only change one thing at a time... It takes time (and potentially LOTS of time in some cases) to get used to being locked up. Personally? I’m at the point where I could probably survive a month if Mama were here, but two weeks would likely be my max right now if she were away visiting her mom... Good luck!