jasmic68 Bringing it to life. Step by step.

Hi.

I’ve been writing quite a bit on ‘The Other Place’ these past few months, mainly because it was the first community I found. I really needed somewhere to vent my feelings and connect with others. Before this, I used Tumblr under the name Nefariouschastitylife, but it didn’t give me that sense of belonging I craved. Honestly, I care much more about text-heavy journals and conversations than typical chastity content anyway.

A notable exception is the wonderful where it’s their original writing that makes them stand out. I am English, in my late 40s, married with two adult children. Currently, I live here in Germany alongside my wife of 25 years; however, due to our careers, we’ve been apart for at least half of our marriage. We finally moved back together when she landed a fantastic job that allows us both to thrive without me needing to work as much.

How did I end up in this chastity world? Here is a quick summary of my story so far. It hasn’t taken long, having started last October; living it feels like we are moving slowly at times, but looking back, quite a lot has happened.

It began when I seriously upset my wife in September 2015. Looking back now, it seems silly, but I had become obsessed with genital modification. When I showed her pictures of what I wanted to do and she agreed, I was surprised. To cut a long story short: after the procedure altered my glans, her reaction was quite terrible. I don’t blame her at all for this response, even though she had given me permission.

At that time, we were living in different countries—me in England, her working and residing in Germany. Her reaction was so strong that for three days I feared a divorce; I was utterly distraught. When she finally communicated that she didn’t want to go quite that far but wasn’t sure how to fix our marriage (especially sexually), my relief was immense.

One day on Tumblr, I spotted a chastity device wrapped around a penis and felt fascinated. Primarily, I saw it as the solution to what I had broken. In modifying my glans, I had become self-absorbed, and this device offered a way to show my wife how determined I was to make things right, making her the center of our relationship.

She agreed to try it out. Without detailing every error made by beginners in those next six weeks: I bought a chrome device that was far too big for my average-sized penis. I also purchased an inexpensive CB6K copy which helped me learn what size tube and ring I actually needed, though it nearly bit through my testicles—I still have the scar to prove it. The subsequent device had hinges that pinched unpleasantly and cut into the underside of my scrotum.

My final attempt—the one that saved everything and was willing enough for her to approve—was a black Holy Trainer v2. It arrived on November 12, 2015. It fit perfectly. I have been locked up almost constantly since then, with an established routine allowing me brief periods out for cleaning. Those six weeks between early October 2015 and the arrival of the HTv2 allowed my wife to see how serious and determined I was. She is my Keyholder now, and having read about other wives who refuse this role, I know how lucky I am.

The journey has been quite rocky. The one thing I hadn't anticipated was the emotional rollercoaster I put myself through. While the highs have been amazing, the lows—hovering near panic attacks and depression episodes—have been intense. Fortunately, my wife has been patient with me and is committed to what I started. She hasn't fully taken over control entirely on her own terms yet, but she has gotten here by herself. She often surprises me, moving forward at her own pace and resisting early attempts of mine to steer our relationship direction. This is why I titled this journal 'Making it real. Slowly.' She isn't interested in turning us into a traditional D/s couple. We have realized we are living an FLR (Female Led Relationship) or WLM, using whichever acronym fits best for describing a partnership where the wife holds the majority of shares. We just didn't realize there was a specific term for it, nor that others might choose this lifestyle deliberately. For us, it developed practically over the years rather than being chosen on purpose. I recently joked that if she ever relinquished control of our marriage, complete collapse would follow within six weeks. My wife selected an opaque black Holy Trainer for me because it meant she wouldn't have to look directly at my glans. Later this year, we plan to get a Steelworxx Looker 2 for the same reason. She is even considering getting me a Neosteel Arch next year (2017); by then, I will hopefully have proven that this isn't just a fad and it will keep my penis completely out of sight. We don't use silly nicknames or follow strict rules; we do things our way. In these journals, I write 'Wife' with a capital W to show respect for the woman I love. She doesn't think my penis is pathetic—in fact, she quite likes it. If she gives me a direct order (which happens more often now), I address her as Miss. I consider myself an incredibly lucky man.

There has been one fundamental shift in our use of chastity very recently. Early on in my journey, I told my wife that I didn't want to have an orgasm. She found this confusing and struggled with how a fantasy could involve such rigid control over something we had enjoyed for 28 years together; it just didn't make sense to her at first. I tried explaining that what I desperately wanted wasn't for her to deny herself, but rather that I would only be allowed an orgasm when she decided it was acceptable. The issue was that she seemed uninterested in micro-managing me like this. If we were intimate, of course I could have one—don't be silly. Then, due to being busy and dealing with real-world distractions, I went through nearly six weeks without an orgasm. We made love on December 13th, and everything changed for me. Firstly, that particular orgasm was stupendous, incredible, mind-blowing. Unlike many who write about post-orgasmic blues, I didn't suffer from them. Instead, I felt a significant reduction in the sexual tension and pressure building up inside me over those weeks. Is this good? Wrong. Suddenly, I realized something odd was happening: when I pleasured my wife and brought her to an orgasm, my body and mind joined in with hers. I experienced all sorts of strange sensations—my mind wandered, my skin became ridiculously sensitive, and my muscles twitched. The feeling was nearly as intense as an actual orgasm but lasted for minutes rather than seconds. Furthermore, once I reached this state, she could bring me back up there within seconds using a simple stroke to the ear or scratching her finger down my back. After that initial release post-orgasmic feelings dissipated and took at least three weeks to return fully. Last Saturday, I explained all these experiences to my wife. Before this, her misunderstanding of the orgasm fantasy made sense; now it makes complete sense. She totally grasped what I was trying to say and immediately decided to take charge of my orgasms. The only surprise is that she took it much further than expected. Later that day, when I asked if she had decided how long she would deny me an orgasm, her response was calm and firm: 'You don't need them any more.' There was no hint of joking or messing with my head. In just three months, I have gone from using chastity to repair my marriage (which it has done beyond expectations) to what looks like permanent denial. I am completely okay with this for now. I wonder how I will feel in a few months, but as of right now, I want to try. We obviously still have things to discuss and work out. I need to find out if she considers 'ruined' orgasms as not counting toward my needs. My own release is tied closely to hers; for this dynamic to work long-term, it seems unlikely I would be denied both our releases. If her sexual independence grows so that my involvement isn't necessary, I am fairly certain I wouldn't be able to continue. All of that lies in the future though. Right now, I sit here.

I look forward to following your journey, jasmic.

Thank you, noid. I find writing down my thoughts and feelings very helpful. Hopefully, it doesn't become too boring;) It hasn't been a smooth ride getting to where we are now. My wife finds it nearly impossible to discuss what turns her on—her desires and needs seem deep-rooted, perhaps even immovable for some reason I can quite put my finger on after 25 years of marriage (and several more together before that). This makes things difficult for me. Like many men starting this 'unusual' path, I need signs that I am doing the right thing and that she is happy. She does give signals—most notably by not telling me to remove my cage—but her main problem remains: if she doesn't tell me what turns her on, how can I guess? Enough whining; things move at whatever pace she decides. Saturdays are our designated time for discussing chastity and other kinks—a rule established because I initially overwhelmed her with information when we started. This Saturday, however, I'm not entirely sure what I want to discuss. Last week she declared that I do not need an orgasm again, and I am curious about the meaning behind this. Does 'not needing' mean I should never have one? Or does it include ruined orgasms? I must be careful with my questions because sometimes she tells me it is for her knowledge alone, leaving me to wonder. How do you help someone *avoid* doing something? I think I know what I will suggest. I would really like her to speak with other keyholders who are in similar situations as hers. The Keyholder section of this forum could provide an outlet that isn't just me—anonymous and potentially helping her open up more. She is currently reading Georgia Ivey Greens' book on Male Chastity, so this might be the next logical step for her. She is a good, loving woman who has stuck by me through tough times; anything I can suggest to help her will make me happy.

Although I am a beginner in the world of Chastity, I believe this is how things should continue from now on. My conviction grows stronger with each passing week. It isn't easy though. My wife has a relatively low sex drive; her needs are typically one or two orgasms a week at most. There have been entire weeks (this current one included) where she is too busy to worry about such matters. Handing over control of my sexuality to someone with so little need for it is hard, especially since my own desire has increased during the denial. One of my problems might be that I am actually too good at hiding how horny I am from her. Partly because she seems confident that if I show her I want an orgasm, it will still be up to me to stop myself rather than her denying me. She loves tormenting me slightly; her giggling while I attempt an erection and thrash around on the bed is itself quite arousing for her. She has never once told me I must stay locked up, nor have I ever had to ask for release. In fact, right now I am reassuring myself that everything is fine down below and that I do not need a release. My first true period of denial lasted just under six weeks. This duration exceeds what some manage but is hardly significant for others; nonetheless, I was happy it lasted that long and that I finally achieved that earth-shattering orgasm I had been craving. I am currently approaching the six-week mark (today is Friday; next Wednesday completes my sixth week). While this isn't a competition, I keenly want to reach that six-week milestone before attempting anything new. I haven't begged for release yet and never really felt the need to do so. Next weekend, when my wife is more receptive, I might give it a go. I feel somewhat naughty planning ahead like this, but with my wife, one sort of has to beg at night or on weekdays would be unfair trials as she likely wouldn't be interested in doing much anyway. My hope remains that she still denies me. I want her to enjoy seeing how horny for her I have become and how I need her help to maintain my resolve and stay chaste. Enough thoughtful wandering; time for normal life. Time to walk my silly dog, who is currently lying on his back fast asleep just a few feet away from me. Legs splayed apart, showing off his free-to-use balls. It’s about time those were removed, I am sure he is mocking me!

My wife insists on being spotlessly clean before she allows me near her sexually. This has created something of a Pavlovian response in me: if I take a shower, I get horny. For the best part of 28 years, whenever we had sex, it was always preceded by my showering; thus, synapses have been trained to associate 'shower' with 'a good chance of sex.' Since starting chastity, this has become somewhat ritualistic. My wife showers first while I wait outside the cubicle until permitted entry. I wash her back carefully, paying attention to her neck and shoulders. As my treat, she then cleans between her legs, allowing me to feel her bottom; that tight nugget of pleasure around her entrance gets a thorough cleaning. Her special treatment is returning the favor by washing my back. I have noticed she becomes increasingly frisky with my posterior over time—before chastity, she hardly touched it at all. We move to the bedroom where she has become thoroughly addicted to receiving massages from me. I work her entire body from neck down to feet; my own horniness increases each time I reach her bottom and part those delicious cheeks. I deny myself what I want for as long as possible before usually groaning unintelligibly and diving in with my tongue. One hand typically parts the cheeks or rubs her back while the other tries to find a comfortable position for my Holy Trainer-encased penis, straining toward release without quite getting there. At some point determined by her, she will turn over for the finish. I use my tongue, fingers, nose, chin, arms, and body on her legs, stomach, feet, and anything else reachable while licking her pussy to orgasm. My success rate is pretty good (almost perfect until I tried following the instructions in that damn stupid book 'She Comes First'!! Why did I buy it? You cannot do this by simply checking boxes!) The incredible part is finding myself floating into a strange headspace while she experiences an orgasm. My body becomes sensitive; my legs and arms twitch, and the experience takes longer to dissipate than hers does. Furthermore, I remain touch-sensitive for much longer afterward compared to before. My first recent ambition—bringing her to an orgasm through licking—is now realized. It required manual stimulation of her pussy with fingers, which took some effort, but we achieved it. However, I later realized this wasn't quite as beneficial for me because I missed out on tasting those wonderful juices. My second ambition is to try and let her relax into a second orgasm shortly after the first. She has never had multiple orgasms in all her years; having read the incredible Monkey in a Cage blog (by Lady M and Caged Monkey) from its inception, I am desperate to give this a go.