Female led relationships discussion

Hello everyone, I got involved with femdom roughly a year back, and we experimented with several cages and other items, but none fit my anatomy well enough. We’ve revived this dynamic now to refresh our sexual relationship because I’m on the verge of masturbation whenever I have free time, which really dampens my desire—so actual sex happened maybe only 3 or 4 times over the last two months. The key point is that I don’t want some intense kink fantasy scenario; I’ve moved past those. What I truly need is a continuous solution that primarily stops me from masturbating and keeps my attention on my partner. You could call this self-control and discipline, which might work, but it requires effort and isn’t as enjoyable. ;) So we’ve drafted a plan. I’ll outline the concepts, their drawbacks, and why I’m slightly dissatisfied, hoping for some advice from you all to refine it. It’s straightforward: no more solo orgasms; I require her permission even for edging. Orgasms only occur during regular intercourse. If she reaches climax first, we stop having sex, unless she chooses otherwise. We also bought a Hitachi massager recently, and after she helped me reach climax twice using it, she returned the favor by giving me two ruined climaxes.

Why am I not fully satisfied? First, if we improve our sex life as planned—perhaps aiming for 2-3 sessions weekly—the tease-and-denial approach feels less effective. As you know, both mental and physical adjustment are required, taking about four to five days for me. That period isn’t very enjoyable. Meanwhile, I cannot justify (and don’t wish) extreme denial with gaps of two or three weeks, or even months, between orgasms. While it’s an appealing fantasy, living that reality is different… Sex becomes my main preoccupation, which exhausts her significantly. I become a different person then, placing considerable pressure on her side, so this isn’t sustainable long-term. Additionally, with finals approaching, I can’t afford to be too horny and lose focus on studying. A balance is necessary, one that I find hard to manage alone given my limited experience.

Also, I’ve noticed a single PIV orgasm doesn’t quite satisfy me; two hours later, the urge returns. This could be an issue or something we can leverage—I’m unsure yet. Generally, after those denial periods, I appreciate having sex on my mind for a day or two instead of being constantly aware of it.

So far, integrating some orgasm denial into our relationship (I didn’t really request those Hitachi-induced ruined climaxes;)) has been good. I appreciate the loss of control, not being able to simply “return to normal,” because this new state is now my reality. However, it’s also somewhat frightening, so I want to proceed cautiously. While being in over your head sounds romantic in theory, as mentioned before, we view T&D merely as tools—a pathway to a contented sex life.

Suggestions (and questions) are highly appreciated; we’re heading out for now:)