Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

I’d like to hear everyone’s take on this, but I am particularly interested in what some of the more experienced key holders have to say: “Topping from the Bottom” is universally understood as something to be avoided. The chaste male should avoid steering their KHs toward activities and approaches that they want themselves, and KHs of course should be keeping an eye out for Topping from the Bottom, both blatant and subtle. I’m curious how this universal tenant is reconciled with the other universal tenant: “Communication is Key”. To clarify a bit - I’ve observed over my year-plus on CM two constants related to this topic. One - men doing their best to convince their significant others that taking on KH duties, and embracing chastity, really is about more than just getting the woman to cater to the man’s desire for femdom/FLR/denial et al. Two (for the lucky ones whose KHs discover they genuinely enjoy the dynamic of the lifestyle and embrace their role) - Men trying to subtly direct the *way *their KHs exercise the control they’ve discovered they like having. I see this behavior manifest in a million different ways. Guys suggesting rules, and of course corresponding “punishments” and rewards. Guys telling their KH that if they would just do this or do that, or be more strict, or demanding, that they will rewarded with the submission and doting that they were promised in the first place. The list is fairly endless and ranges from super blatant to quite subtle. In once sense, I don’t think any of us (men) are 100% innocent of this. I don’t think it’s really possible to be. Which brings me back to my question. When does communicating what you need or want, as the male in chastity, cross the line from healthy communication into Topping from the Bottom territory?