Female led relationships discussion

We’ve been together three years and I’ve encountered a cage about once a year… Rather than getting annoyed at what I didn’t grasp, I’ve chosen to accept it and participate—as long as it means I hold the “key”. It apparently feels good for him to deny himself an erection; seeing my boyfriend in his metal cage doesn’t turn me on though. It seems like the weight might be tugging on his penis and causing pain—(he claims otherwise)—and just talking about it was giving him a hard-on, which is interesting! I’m trying to figure out how I should play along and what being the “key holder” actually entails… Yesterday in the bedroom, he did everything sexually satisfying for my body—and then when I felt close to reaching an orgasm, I let him remove it so we could have sex. But it looks like some folks use it to get their husbands or boyfriends to do household chores and such. Maybe they even use it to prompt a proposal haha jk… Anyway, another question: I’m not exactly the most dominant woman; I see myself as more submissive—I prefer my man to throw me around in bed and also call the shots outside of it—being “the man of the house,” macho style, I suppose…so transitioning into this “control role” is a bit tricky for me since honey says “it’s a control thing” …for him.