Female led relationships discussion

Based on everything I’ve read and my own personal experience, it appears that most Female Lead Relationships (FLRs) or Wife Led Marriages (WLMs) stem from a man’s desire to be dominated and/or controlled by his wife or girlfriend. It isn’t every single case, but the majority.

In my specific situation, it was my own wish and fantasy of being sexually controlled by my wife that started us on our current path. Naturally, like many men in similar positions, I was eager for her to take charge first in the bedroom and then outside as her “dominance” expanded. Encouraged by a steady stream of femdom images online and growing feelings of submission, I worked to convince my wife that she could be dominant and gain benefits from keeping me “under her spell.” I wanted her to desire maintaining my chastity, tying me up, ordering me about, punishing and humiliating me, and even dressing me like her French maid while I performed domestic duties. She would relax and enjoy having someone subservient and attentive.

I naively believed that if I encouraged certain fantasy scenes, purchased some toys (dildo gag, chastity device, penis sheath), introduced them to our bedroom play, and became more submissive and helpful around the house with chores and serving her, my wife’s mind would condition itself to accept this as a new dynamic. Most advice suggests “most women” have an “inner dom” that can be awakened by submitting and showing them the benefits of controlling their man. In other words, by conditioning her mind to want dominance and encourage obedient behavior from us.

The reality for most men is slightly more complex, which has definitely been true for me. For over 10 years, I have tried to cajole, encourage, and initially even “bully” my wife into the dominant role so desperately desired by me. Above all, I wanted her to genuinely enjoy this role, allowing me selfishly to feel dominated, controlled, overpowered, and subservient to a sexy feminine woman—my wife.

What I discovered during this time is that rather than conditioning her mind to my view of what a WLM should be, I have actually conditioned my own mind to hers. By spending so much time being submissive and eager to please, encouraging any small display of female dominance from her, I have nearly abandoned hope in achieving things exactly as I originally intended. Now, I do whatever makes her happy; I am attentive, listen closely to her views constantly, remain “subservient” (small s), devoted, loving, kind, and helpful. I am “obedient” in that I respond and act upon anything she asks or tells me to do. Essentially, I give her exactly what she wants.

In this way, I may be getting what I truly wanted: control by her, but according to her thinking rather than mine. All I seek now is for her to remain happy keeping me teased and aroused yet denied the sexual relief of allowing myself to orgasm. This isn’t because I no longer want that relief or enjoy the sensation itself, but because I delight in being denied specifically by “her”.

I am curious: how many other men find themselves in this position? How does reality compare to your original thoughts on WLMs and FLRs, and how did you transition between them?