Female led relationships discussion

I have been here for quite some time now. I’ve read a lot of information and chatted with some great people. I’m not usually one to post, but my wife / KH / Mistress (aka she who must be obeyed) has kind of encouraged me to share my thoughts and feelings about what’s going on inside my head.

I remember years ago someone telling me to be careful about what you wish for; it might come true and bite you in the ass.

From where I guess we started, me telling everything about the past—how I wound up being with another guy, my wife watching me masturbate, then how she would use a dildo on me while talking about watching other guys and how it turned her on back then.

A few years ago (I don’t know exactly when), but I got backed by this guy. I felt so guilty that I told her what I did, and the strangest thing happened: she was ok with it so much that she watched quite a few times, at one point telling me how turned on it made her.

Somewhere in the middle of things, she suggested I should slow down on my masturbating. Kind of around the time we found Fetlife chastity seemed cool; we tried it out and went with it. FLR (Female Led Relationship) is what followed right behind, which we both got into, but not being able to read minds, my wife isn’t really knowing what she’s thinking or wanting. Then when you have your hands tied to the headboard and she comes out and tells you she has been fantasizing about the guy she watched you with because of his 10” cock, then she starts talking about cockolding and how you feel about it.

Put my head in a vise (both of them), please. Knowing that I’m under 5” erect and it’s hard for me to please her, but I give great oral, and it has gotten better since I have been caged LOL.

Watching two people you know pleasuring each other beyond what I could do or have done, being so turned on beyond belief and getting so hard inside a cage that it’s not supposed to happen. What’s right? What’s wrong? Do I want to stay afloat, or do I want to rock the boat trying to figure it all out is a pain in the ass.

Well, I’m not great at posting things; I hope I have not offended anyone.