Female led relationships discussion

Hi all,

I’m getting back into the community to ask for some advice again. I am twenty and have come to realize that I need to embrace my sexuality now, before it becomes even more difficult later on. My goal is to marry someone who understands and accepts my sexually submissive side—someone with whom I can just be myself rather than hiding in the closet all my life.

I’ve been dating a girl (21) for nearly four years. She’s pretty vanilla and had to exercise a lot of patience as she slowly opened up sexually. I introduced her to chastity about two years back. While she didn’t love it much—she preferred oral pleasure, but lacked the domination aspect that kinky folks might expect—it did make me happy for a time, though things felt a bit odd later.

Recently, I’ve started discussing this more with her. I shared some carefully chosen excerpts from a book written for couples and novice Dommes in our situation, doing my best to explain myself. My point is that I don’t need us to dive into an intense 24/7 D/s dynamic right away; I just occasionally need to express my submissive nature sexually. I believe she can learn to enjoy it.

I’m not asking for much: take your time, go as slow as you like, and if things don’t work out perfectly, we can laugh about the missteps. However, her response has been that she simply can’t do it right now because she needs sex to feel natural, and this doesn’t quite fit her current sense of normalcy. I understand and accept this.

We’ve decided to take a break from the pressure for a while so she can think things over. She wants us to stay together and eventually move in (I love her deeply and have always been good to her), but I don’t want to cohabit with someone around whom I still feel constrained. On the other hand, ending our relationship now, when we both care about each other, just because of my quirky fetish makes me feel quite self-disgusted—not pleasantly so.

Do any of you have similar stories? How did your relationships turn out? Did you manage to find a middle ground? Do you think Dommes are born that way or can they develop this enjoyment later? I know it varies from person to person, but… thanks for reading.