Female led relationships discussion

Hi, I was hoping someone could offer some advice here. I work in the corporate world as an Alpha male; I enjoy taking charge and currently manage around 30 employees. I’m highly competitive, among other traits. However, at home, I feel torn. On one side, I genuinely love pampering my wife and making sure her life is as smooth as possible. On the flip side, I occasionally have outbursts where I get bossy… The problem is that afterward, I despise myself for it. Deep down, I desire a FLR marriage. Not necessarily in the kinky sense with punishments and such, but more so that I handle most of the chores while she does as little as possible. Her word should be law without any backtalk. Part of the issue is my wife feels guilty about taking charge (“you work too hard,” etc.), yet when she actually steps up, she enjoys it. Another piece of the puzzle is that she finds it difficult to lead while I sometimes talk back. Things go well for a stretch, but then I “fight back,” and she pulls back. I understand that even though I’m not necessarily into the kinky aspect, she might need to use punishment to help “break” me down. She has done this occasionally; usually, her initial attempts are half-hearted, but once she gets going, she goes all out and takes full control. I wore a chastity device 24/7 for eight months straight at one point, which helped initially, though it eventually faded from her attention. Part of our challenge is having three kids under nine years old at home. This makes things harder to keep discreet or noticeable only between us. So my question is: how can I (with my wife’s help) tone down my Alpha side in our relationship so I can be a better husband? Thank you