Novices and newbies discussion

Hi all - I’ve been wandering the forum for a good while, learning about FLR from a woman’s viewpoint. There is so much info online, but I held back from reading too much because most of it feels like male fantasies. So I hope folks with actual experience can guide me on what life is really like for women here.

Let me give some background first. (If you’re impatient… feel free to skip ahead!)

Before my current relationship, I considered myself a Switch - taking from both sides of the spectrum. While I knew plenty about fetish, BDSM and alternative lifestyles, I preferred using any method that worked to please, surprise, and thrill my partners - La Donna e mobile, as they say. Being proactive, I was always one step ahead. The ability to weave words into great stories helps a lot too, not to mention my childhood in the wilderness, which seems to tempt women naturally. Also, I never wear sunglasses - just gray eyes.

But no matter how experienced or skilled at hunting a man might be, he eventually meets the Woman. When I saw her, I knew I’d “have” her, and I came on quite strong and demanding - but hey, there are people who make you go to the moon and back just to win them over… Yes, conquer is right; that’s what naive men think at first! Anyway, we all know now that she gave me a chance:D

My partner turned out to be quite exotic, with an unconventional mind. Like me, she’s skilled with words and kinkier than I expected. I use the word “lover” because her marriage is unhappy; we live a few hours apart, but that distance can actually motivate us well enough. We started pretty vanilla and gradually slipped into FLR without really looking for it or expecting it. My mind always wants different outlets and angles, so some might see me as either not submissive or just an unpleasant brat.

We experimented with kinks first - indulging in foot worship (which I don’t call a “fetish” since almost every man appreciates that part of women). One day she challenged me to wear a chastity cage more out of jest, especially given my surroundings are often young people… including women.

So it began as fun. Then she suggested making it more permanent in our relationship. I wasn’t super enthusiastic until I saw the evidence: her uncontrolled lust and arousal triggered by my confinement. My biggest vanity is being the one who drives my woman/lover wild with desire. We started gradually, keeping chastity periods shorter at first and communicating lots about feelings, embarrassment, and fears. Perhaps the most intimate act between lovers in chastity is this exchange of emotions. In our case it was necessary because we meet 3-4 times a month; otherwise, we only phone and chat, much like long-distance partners.

As time went on and my periods of confinement grew longer, she asserted herself as “the one wearing the pants” (in my language, that means leading the relationship). For every bit of power I gave up, her demands increased - longer times in cage, prohibition from orgasm when we make love, a smaller chastity cage. After several months, we’re discussing her desire to humble me further… and yes, we practice more humiliation.

So here is my question and humble request for advice: despite this relationship, my past ones were mostly vanilla. While I feel very appreciated and good about arousing my partner so deeply, giving up the leading role as a man through FLR isn’t something I’m used to. On one hand, since most of my environment has always been women, I don’t judge power by sex but by capability. On the other hand, I can’t imagine myself not being the head of the family - my upbringing taught me that following means failing in a relationship.

So I live in constant conflict: am I failing as a partner, or robbing her of the greatest source of mental pleasure? Note - I don’t judge those already living this lifestyle…I’m just saying my cultural roots run deep.

In my view, chastity and pain are something I can endure for her. When I witness how they affect her mood and emotions, I know she goes crazy because of me; even in a sea of beautiful men, her eyes stay on me - what a boost to male ego! Humiliation is the scary part though… diving into deeper submission makes me nervous. Yeah, even wildest men have limits; we aren’t made entirely of metal (no pun intended). My fear is that humiliation will make me seem less manly in her eyes.

Also, she has tried several times before, and it was disastrous for her - Only gray-eyed people can turn you into a freezing stone lost in deep space. Not that I wanted to be bad; some inner power pushes me toward destruction sometimes.

I don’t mind opinions based on sex or status, but I need advice rooted in real experience! I’ve read so much online fiction lately that if anyone offers more theoretical ideas, just give them a pass for now!

I’m trying not to over-share details about my specific practices unless asked. While I’m not hardcore alternative lifestyle, I like to acknowledge the progress many here have made - admiration for your patience and willpower to all of you! Thanks in advance!