Female led relationships discussion

I’ve always known pet wasn’t a pain slut. It didn’t matter, I wasn’t a pain giver. The more I get into playing though, the more I want to inflict pain. I can’t describe why. All I know is that lately, after cumming, I have this intense need to spank, whip, paddle, or crop pet. Like I need to release pent up tension. The orgams are as wonderful as ever, but I feel I need to “thrash” something out. I’m not angry, I don’t really want to hurt him in a malicious way, I just feel like I need to cause pain. pet, on the other hand, is not dealing with this very well and did something very silly last night. He wouldn’t use his safe word, he said he was being “polite”. I had a HUGE go at him and told him that I need him to 100% use his safeword so I can safely play within his limits. Especially if I’m playing with another and he’s feeling unsafe, or uncomfortable and I’m distracted. But what do I do if he decides “no pain”. I had no idea how multifaceted this lifestyle is. It’s very confusing. I guess I feel a little bit lost today!