Journals and blogs discussion

At the very least, last night was quite an interesting evening. Because I climaxed without permission this past Sunday (a ruined orgasm), my key holder told me not to cum again until at least day 18. This felt a bit daunting, yet also reassuring; it seemed she was finally grasping the concept of keeping life from being too easy for me. By day 3, I received a clean bill of health with very little fuss or attention, which surprised me and confirmed that progress was underway. However, after that initial activity, things went quiet! There wasn’t even the faintest sign of training time. I stuck to our agreement without complaining, but inside I started feeling somewhat resentful and neglected—feelings similar to what originally drew me into this lifestyle. Last night, my K.H. seemed to hint that some training would happen in the evening. By then, I felt quite indifferent and unloved, so instead of just going along with it, I decided to speak up. It appears she interprets ‘chastity’ as meaning NO ORGASMS and NO ATTENTION for me. I pointed out that because my orgasm frequency is low, I need more displays of affection in return. She countered by saying sometimes she simply wants sex without all the extra fuss. I explained that since she now controls my parts, if she desires oral, she gets it; if she wants intercourse, she has it; and if she seeks an orgasm, she receives one—but whether or not I get these things depends entirely on her will. I told her I was at a crossroads: I would be happy to walk away from all this if that’s what she preferred. She replied that she enjoys the control and sees its benefits in our dynamic. We talked late into the night, held each other, and went to sleep. Needless to say, it is now day 7 for me, matching my previous record. I have realized a connection between chastity and love; no matter how long I abstain from orgasm, if I don’t feel loved by my key holder, something feels missing. I truly hope we can move forward together and discover the deep pleasures that this lifestyle offers our sex life, but more importantly, our relationship.