Female led relationships discussion

There’s quite a bit to read through, but the actual questions are at the end if you want to skip straight to them. This is heavily inspired by @sixofthebest thread on Inescapability. The referenced community page I’m not trying to take over that discussion; I just feel similarly and believe there are excellent points worth discussing for those who haven’t seen it. I’ve been wondering about the process used to determine someone’s sincerity when entering into a chastity / FLR dynamic. To me personally, proving myself feels necessary. In this community, I feel like I have quite a pyramid to climb. The honor system doesn’t work well for me—not that there’s anything wrong with it. I envy those for whom the system works perfectly. I wish I could be like them, but my self-control is lacking, and I know this about myself, much to my shame. However, for me, there is a distinction between something being a deterrent versus an impossibility. I know who I am; I know that I would cheat if the opportunity arose. Please don’t dislike me or think less of me—I simply know that once my self-control hits its limit, I will cave in if I can. If I could pull out, I definitely would. So, I ensured that caving in isn’t an option for me. To achieve fulfillment on my end, I needed to know there was no way out and no escape until released. That is what led me to get my PA. But even after that process, frustration lingered because failure was still possible; with whatever Chinese knock-off device I tried—plastic or metal—I could still have an orgasm despite every conceivable PA fix. A magic wand would be all it takes. Although that orgasm wasn’t particularly satisfying, it was enough to cheat the system and gain some satisfaction. So, my search continued. I posted in the intro section about making my account specifically to grab a Rigid 5 that suited me perfectly. (One good thing about Chinese devices is how they zeroed in on sizing.) To @remyruff: You are my hero. Thanks to you, I finally have what I was craving. See the attached picture for the aftermath of one hour with the wand. No orgasm. One hour of female worship videos, t&d, ruined orgasms, and nothing much to show for it except that poor wand… It was worth every penny and everything I had ever hoped for in a device. [[Image: wand2.jpeg]](the referenced community page) But now, to my actual questions… The topic I linked above and the posts from @L-u-c-y have inspired me. Although directed at KHs, I want to know what everyone thinks. None of these questions are meant to create some sort of “divide” within the community, nor do they imply that sincerity or conviction is lacking if one doesn’t possess them—not at all. In fact, I’m quite terrified that people might see this as a thinly veiled attempt to distinguish those like me from those who aren’t. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am not questioning anyone’s loyalty or dedication; I will trust everyone until you give me reason not to… perhaps that is how you feel as KHs, too. Again, I’m not trying to assess “worth,” just initial appearance.

1. Is there a tiered echelon of sincerity and conviction that KHs see when considering a sub initially? Are those without devices and on the honor system at the bottom, followed by those with generic devices, then custom devices, and finally pierced individuals at the top of the pyramid? (Full acknowledgement to the point that having all these doesn’t actually guarantee a sub is sincere—anyone can be flaky.)
2. What should someone do to show you their level of commitment and conviction?
3. Can someone compensate with enough sincerity and effort over time in the relationship to overcome not having that initial appearance of dedication?
4. Do any of the above things even matter to you at all? Perhaps simply asking these questions means I still have much to learn about the community. If I am going about this the wrong way, please let me know. I hope no one feels excluded; I swear I’m not elitist in any sense. I like to think of myself as a uniter rather than a divider here, bringing everyone together for this discussion (should one arise from this topic). I truly believe that everyone is working towards something better. I also hope I am not the only one gaining some insight. Thank you for your time. Thoughts?

I consider it a personal matter. As has been stated repeatedly in this forum, there is no single correct approach. One KH might demand absolute sincerity and dedication from their lockee for whatever reason. Another might view it as an enjoyable game to add some spice. Whatever suits one couple (or triad or online setup) works perfectly fine, even if it differs completely from another pair’s experience, which is also right. Inescapability follows the same logic. The ability to orgasm stands apart entirely. I’m confident I could remove my cage backing, but I’ve never attempted it. It isn’t because I am superior or more devoted; I simply don’t want to do so. If I felt my Wife would be comfortable with me getting a PA piercing, I’d seriously consider it because the idea of total inescapability appeals to me. However, I’d likely decline due to the recovery period and the need for a better cage than my JB for the piercing. Ultimately, it’s not significant enough for me to bring up with her. I enjoy being caged and don’t require an “escape” to feel excitement. As for the honor system… why does pledging to avoid something so easily reachable make you less sincere? Part of what convinced my Wife that I could handle locking was our two years on the honor system. It really is personal, and one size definitely doesn't fit all.