Female led relationships discussion

I was talking to a fervent MeToo advocate recently, and she called Bill Clinton a rapist. Her reasoning is that when people in authority have sex with those under their watch, true consent can’t exist; the power imbalance decides it all. I didn’t agree with her view, but it made me question how my wife’s relationship would fit into this framework. She spanks me hard enough to leave marks, so she definitely holds power over me. If that woman views Monica Lewinsky as a victim of rape, doesn’t that make me an abuse victim too? To clarify, I don’t consider myself or Monica victims, but it got me thinking about how MeToo supporters would view an FLR.

I assume it's acceptable because the power dynamic isn't the "standard" one of a straight man having authority over someone else. That’s just my intuition though.

I feel it is okay because we agreed to embrace this lifestyle. In contrast, Monica might have felt pressured since she could have feared losing her job if she didn't comply, and there wasn't a prior agreement of consent in place.

There is no direct analogy here. Bill Clinton held power over Lewinsky due to his role as president and her age. Regardless of whether we label his actions rape, sexual assault, or something else, he should not have done what he did. On the other hand, your wife doesn't hold such a structural position of power over you. You voluntarily agreed to be dominated by her, which is something worth applauding given the happiness it brings. It is true that a consensual relationship can start with free will and become abusive, but that isn't what you are describing.

A couple of years ago, Monica Lewinsky gave either a TED Talk or a YouTube speech. She explained that she had fallen in love with Clinton. Like many others, I viewed the situation lightheartedly, without much empathy on either side. But watching her talk made me realize how much this intelligent and lovely young woman suffered afterward. Her life's foundations were ripped out, bringing her very close to suicide. She really did suffer! I believe "vulnerable" is the key word here. She was clearly accomplished for such a young age, having faced little failure up to that point, though I think she lacked some street smarts. Her mentor, Horny Bill, took advantage of her vulnerability. The whole episode certainly fits the Me Too narrative. Do take time to watch Monica’s talk. It will touch your heart, and you probably won't be able to chuckle at her name again.