Female led relationships discussion

Hello, during my daily reading I get the impression that most of you live in an FLR / with chastity and benefits for both. I am missing some Unsuccess-stories, where one (man/female/?) was looking for a certain relationship type but it just didn’t fit and how you solved this situation. The bad thing to me is, that reading this forum (with all those nice supporting comments/members) makes me feel like being in a filter bubble and the more I read the more I feel the loss of having not what I would like to live. This and my understanding that I don’t want to force my girlfriend into something, which is the opposite of FLR makes me nervous. We had some funny chats and I brought up the term “FLR” while giving her a foot massage, which she enjoys a lot, I am wondering why we are at least not talking more about it, as I would do it. Just thinking about the opposite effect, that my girlfriend approaches and would use a term “male led relationship” and that she likes the idea of it. I would ask million questions. I am afraid about the idea that she dislikes the ideas, even when she said, that the last 10 days were the best in the whole last year, just because I anticipated what she could like and because I was present. How did you resolve your fears and the feeling that you might push too hard (even when I think I don’t do it, as I’m just being nice & caring, because it really enjoys me how she changes and feels comfortable). Piet

> piet00 said: > Hello, > during my daily reading I get the impression that most of you live in an FLR / with chastity and benefits for both. > I am missing some Unsuccess-stories, where one (man/female/?) was looking for a certain relationship type but it just didn't fit and how you solved this situation. > The bad thing to me is, that reading this forum (with all those nice supporting comments/members) makes me feel like being in a filter bubble and the more I read the more I feel the loss of having not what I would like to live. > This and my understanding that I don't want to force my girlfriend into something, which is the opposite of FLR makes me nervous. > We had some funny chats and I brought up the term "FLR" while giving her a foot massage, which she enjoys a lot, I am wondering why we are at least not talking more about it, as I would do it. > Just thinking about the opposite effect, that my girlfriend approaches and would use a term "male led relationship" and that she likes the idea of it. I would ask million questions. > I am afraid about the idea that she dislikes the ideas, even when she said, that the last 10 days were the best in the whole last year, just because I anticipated what she could like and because I was present. > How did you resolve your fears and the feeling that you might push too hard (even when I think I don't do it, as I'm just being nice & caring, because it really enjoys me how she changes and feels comfortable). > Piet > Click to expand... Seems like a great question to me. I suspect my wife likes me to take the lead a lot while remaining equals outside the bedroom. It does make for a challenging dynamic to introduce chastity. However, keep in mind that the male chastity fantasies are just fantasies. Putting chastity into a relationship can take many turns, and it won’t be like the fantasies and stories you have heard. I don’t know where our story will lead either. I suggest that you don’t do anything on this subject without her consent (In other words, don’t try to trick her or manipulate her into chastity.) Right now, my wife knows about the cage, and has interacted with it, but is not yet interested in taking charge of it. On the other hand, chastity is really about one person surrendering the control of their pleasure to another. Therefore, I can give that to her and wait to see what she does with that gift. She might do nothing with it. Or, she might seize the opportunity to explore something different. Either way is up to her. While I wait to see what she will do with my gift of chastity, I can take control of my own pleasure and choose to only allow myself pleasure from her (and not from myself). I can also choose to treat her like a Queen, start listening to her ideas more (and not interrupting her), and learn more about her needs, wants, and aspirations. Sorry, I am too early into this myself to have any deeper advice. For now, have fun with it and play safely with each other.

When chastity first came into our lives over 4 years ago I brought up FLR at that time. She was convinced she wanted to try chastity after about two weeks of me trying to explain things but my wife was apprehensive about the idea of being completely in charge. Since the lifestyle was completely new to us there were a lot of ins and outs we both didn’t understand. I was pushing a lot for what I thought a chastity relationship was supposed to be and she was trying to grapple with my topping from the bottom plus trying to find her own ways and methods. I was insecure and not believing that she was very into this lifestyle because I never felt like I got any real feedback from her. 4 years later we very much live in an FLR and I didn’t even realize it until it occurred to me that I was asking her for permission for everything and her word was the final word. I actually get a little nervous asking her for permission to do things. Basically the best thing you can do is bring up suggestions for things that she might not be familiar with or know about and be supportive in her learning without you being overburdening. I asked my mistress numerous times if she really liked the lifestyle because I never felt like she was trying to move things forward so I felt like she was just saying yes to appeal to me. In reality she was just on a different level of the lifestyle than I was. She was still on the ground floor and I was already halfway up the building. This is what people here at the mansion are referring too when they talk about patience. A lot of times we’ve fantasized about the lifestyle, our wives or girlfriends becoming dominatrices and we’re way ahead of them. Your partner just needs to feel comfortable in her role before you start to see her bloom into the mistress you’re hoping she’ll be. There is nothing wrong with politely offering suggestions as well as letting her know what you like too, but the key is to give her time to figure out what she likes and let her feel comfortable with what she is doing. In my opinion the saying “it’s all about her” is false. It’s all about the two of you creating a successful relationship and lifestyle. So don’t make “it” all about her but show her “you” are all about her. Good luck!

> Wonderwomanssub said: > When chastity first came into our lives over 4 years ago I brought up FLR at that time. She was convinced she wanted to try chastity after about two weeks of me trying to explain things but my wife was apprehensive about the idea of being completely in charge. Since the lifestyle was completely new to us there were a lot of ins and outs we both didn’t understand. I was pushing a lot for what I thought a chastity relationship was supposed to be and she was trying to grapple with my topping from the bottom plus trying to find her own ways and methods. I was insecure and not believing that she was very into this lifestyle because I never felt like I got any real feedback from her. > 4 years later we very much live in an FLR and I didn’t even realize it until it occurred to me that I was asking her for permission for everything and her word was the final word. I actually get a little nervous asking her for permission to do things. > Basically the best thing you can do is bring up suggestions for things that she might not be familiar with or know about and be supportive in her learning without you being overburdening. > I asked my mistress numerous times if she really liked the lifestyle because I never felt like she was trying to move things forward so I felt like she was just saying yes to appeal to me. In reality she was just on a different level of the lifestyle than I was. She was still on the ground floor and I was already halfway up the building. This is what people here at the mansion are referring too when they talk about patience. A lot of times we’ve fantasized about the lifestyle, our wives or girlfriends becoming dominatrices and we’re way ahead of them. Your partner just needs to feel comfortable in her role before you start to see her bloom into the mistress you’re hoping she’ll be. > There is nothing wrong with politely offering suggestions as well as letting her know what you like too, but the key is to give her time to figure out what she likes and let her feel comfortable with what she is doing. > In my opinion the saying “it’s all about her” is false. It’s all about the two of you creating a successful relationship and lifestyle. So don’t make “it” all about her but show her “you” are all about her. Good luck! > Click to expand... This was like reading my wife and I progressing over the past 18 months. Patience. Sell the idea by serving her ... Not over the top crap like calling her mistress, but thoughtful stuff you know she will enjoy. Do the laundry. Wash her car. Clean the house. Give her spontaneous foot massages with NO attempt to initiate anything further than the massage. Same with body massages, not trying to spin it into sex. Leave her notes randomly telling her how much she means to you. Send her flowers at work if she likes flowers. Or send a stuffed animal or whatever she may like. This allows her to brag silently to co workers that her home life is amazing. Each woman is different. It's YOUR job to find what will make her life more enjoyable, easier, and less stressful. Don't focus on the kink or sex. Focus on her. The rest will fall into place after that.

I think that there are a lot of people looking in from the outside. My story is... too soon to judge. There are encouraging signs, but little else. My wife could pull the carpet out from under me at any time. I feel blessed that she has moved as far as she has.