Female led relationships discussion

I was pondering how guys on fetish-focused boards tend to lead with their obsessions when they hit me up. It looks like it’s the most crucial part of existence for them. When you first met your spouse or partner, if you had walked in with a checklist of your fetishes they would have told you to get lost. Yes I am on fetish sites, but that doesn’t mean I am hunting for a life mate. Fetish boards are not dating platforms or sexual hookup hubs. Surely the main thing is for the male to win a woman over before ever hoping to indulge in their sexual kinks. Anyway, my question is for married members of the site, when you were looking for a partner, were your fetishes high on your list of priorities?

They might have been little wishes hidden deep inside my head but they were never something i even dreamt of bringing out into the open when i was searching for my future wife. Things have changed a lot nowadays with the advent of the internet, it is easier to express yourself online than was possible before . There were many times that i wished i had been able to bring up the hidden desires before we settled down to married life but for certain my very vanilla wife back then would have been gone in a second.

> L-u-c-y said: > Surely the main thing is for the male to win a woman over before ever hoping to indulge in their sexual kinks. > Click to expand... I disagree. I am a firm believer that you lead with what's important to you. Otherwise you don't get it. When I met my wife-to-be, one of the first things I told her was that I was kinky and poly. Interest in kink is an important part of compatibility, in my experience. If she hadn't been interested, that would have been a showstopper. Now, I did not give her a detailed list of specific kinks. That would have been ridiculous. But in our first six months we tried a lot of different things together. And it was clear that there was enough common ground to be sustainable.

No, my wife and I were very vanilla while dating and when we first married. But the truth is that I hadn't really developed most of my fetishes by then. I had fantasies and wet dreams about female domination, but I had not identified that and admitted it to myself fully, much less talking about it with my (future) wife. I was also only developing my crossdressing fetish. I had by then only a tiny collection of maybe 2-3 panties that were given to me by young ladies or that I found (e.g., dropped by someone in the dorm laundry room), and I had only barely begun to get the taste for trying them on. And chastity and cuckolding were basically completely unknown to me at that point. If anything ever happened to my wife or to our marriage and I found myself in a position to find a new partner, I think I would definitely have my fetishes in mind while dating, but I certainly don't think it would be the first thing I would mention on a date. Not even close. That said, I couldn't be in a serious relationship or marry someone without being open about it and without knowing that our needs were compatible.

Connecting sexualy was important but kinks were not

> L-u-c-y said: > I was thinking about how men on fetish sites always lead with their fetishes when they approach me. It seems the most important thing in their lives. > When you first met your wife or partner, if you had approached them with a list of your fetishes they would have told you to fuck off. > Yes I am on fetish sites, but that doesn't mean I am looking for a partner. Fetish sites are not dating sites or sexual hookup sites. > Surely the main thing is for the male to win a woman over before ever hoping to indulge in their sexual kinks. > Anyway, my question is for married members of the site, when you were looking for a partner, were your fetishes high on your list of priorities? > Click to expand... Yes they were high on my list. When we found each other we were both into switching from dom to sub. On our first date she was in charge that night and had me pleasing her most of the night. Yes I had a O before the night was over. That night I knew the kind of life I wanted for the rest of my years. As we were getting to know each other over the next few months we had lots of great sex. So our sexual kinks is what brought us together. We have been married for 7 years now and both are very happy. Although I don't switch now. Just her loving sub/husband