Female led relationships discussion

Yesterday I got a text from my wife saying she’s heading out this Friday with a friend and won’t be returning home. Since we don’t have the kids, I’m at home, so there’s no logistical barrier to me picking her up along with her friend. I even suggested driving them both to her friend’s place so she could still sleep over while I return home alone, but she turned it down. She said she’d rather avoid seeing me entirely that night. Now she claims the companion is a female friend and that she’ll be staying at hers, though I’m skeptical. We’ve dealt with significant trust problems before, including suspected infidelity.

I hesitate to bring it up because we are still in the early phases of our FLR lifestyle, and I don’t want to stir things up prematurely. It could also be a test; typically, I would make a scene and ask her to return home for me.

However, lurking in my mind is the paranoia that she might just be using our FLR agreement as an excuse to cheat.

She enjoys getting very drunk, which I disapprove of, so perhaps she simply wants freedom from my judgment when she returns. We used to have great sex when she was intoxicated, but maybe she no longer craves my cock…

> Mandyman said: > She says it is a Female friend who she is going out with and staying at Her’s, but i’m not so sure. W/we’ve had massive trust issues and affair suspected in the past. > Click to expand... > Mandyman said: > i can’t raise it because W/we are in the very early stages of FLR lifestyle and i don’t want to rock the boat. > Click to expand... > Mandyman said: > But in the back of my mind the paranoia about the affair is telling me that She is just using the FLR agreement as a way to facilitate cheating. > Click to expand... Let me assist you with this perspective: > Critical thinking is the ability to think clearly and rationally about what to do or what to believe. It includes the ability to engage in reflective and independent thinking. Someone with critical thinking skills is able to do the following: > - understand the logical connections between ideas > - identify, construct and evaluate arguments > - detect inconsistencies and common mistakes in reasoning > - solve problems systematically > - identify the relevance and importance of ideas > - reflect on the justification of one's own beliefs and values > Critical thinking is not a matter of accumulating information. A person with a good memory and who knows a lot of facts is not necessarily good at critical thinking. A critical thinker is able to deduce consequences from what he knows, and he knows how to make use of information to solve problems, and to seek relevant sources of information to inform himself. > Click to expand...

It sounds like you have a relationship issue to address first if trust is indeed the problem. You suspected an affair and are now adopting FLR on top of that? That doesn't seem like the best recipe for success.

Kinks always take a backseat to the relationship itself. You clearly don’t trust her faithfulness if she goes out, and it does seem somewhat odd to jump straight into "I’m not coming home" and "I’d rather not see you at all that night." If you aren't comfortable with this setup, you are absolutely entitled to speak to her as a husband. I assume when you mention the suspected affair, it was she who was involved and you couldn’t quite prove it. In one of my past relationships, I constantly felt jealous, insecure, and distrustful. It turned out she was lying about everything; God knows how many people she slept with behind my back. I’ve never felt that way in any other relationship. My point is this: if you aren’t the type to be perpetually suspicious, then your current suspicion suggests her behavior isn't genuine or sincere. Please don’t let your kinks cloud your judgment. If her reaction is to get upset or cancel the arrangement because you’re feeling a bit insecure about her going out and staying away, that says a lot. If my wife had suspected me of an affair in the past while I hadn’t actually done anything wrong, I would have done everything possible to reassure her that our bond was solid. I wouldn't dare leverage one of her desires knowing it made her feel insecure. I’d discuss this with her and set your kink aside for now. It sounds like there are unresolved issues here, and introducing chastity into the mix will only complicate matters further. Just my two cents.

It’s time to rock the boat. It seems you are inviting her to take advantage of you. If you can't trust her, FLR won’t work for you. FLR gives her more control (sometimes complete control). If she isn't trustworthy, why grant that? It's like promoting the worst employee to manager.