Female led relationships discussion

This is an outlet, a sharing of thoughts, and a request for guidance. I’ve talked with several mentoring FDs and women in FLRs to help me navigate my sense of self during this phase. I just wanted to share this here for other women who might relate, to receive advice, and simply to be heard. ~ ~ ~ One of my favorite things is conditioning my sub, teaching him what I enjoy, what I expect, and what I find attractive in him. One thing that drives me crazy is when he reverts back to old habits from previous partners. Yes, time and effort bring change, but this post is mostly a vent about how exhausting and weakening it feels. Conditioning is one of the most rewarding aspects; almost a perfectly pure gift given by submission. As his Femdom, I see the effort, conversations, and hard work he puts in—often at my expense during his training—for the ultimate goal: finding a man who willingly submits his mind, body, and future to me as his domineering partner, knowing we both develop strength, confidence, and happiness from our roles. BUT. I am exhausted lately. I feel like a witch. Like a nag. Sometimes even cruel or horrible. The conditioning my sub endured with partners before me was horrific. It was manipulative and selfish enough to harm his sense of mind, body, and sexuality. To me, that is wrong. I refuse to enable or support those lingering conditions in him; otherwise, I’m just perpetuating the psychological trauma others caused (whether he realizes it or not). Emotionally, this tears me apart because he’s such a loving soul, and seeing his pain often makes me cry and feel angry at these POS women both online and irl. However, similar to Plato’s cave analogy, it hurts even more when he refuses to leave the comfort of that trauma/abuse simply because that is what he has known longer than my presence. I know it will take time. I know I must be patient, but I also need confidence in my ability to say no. To call out his selfish masturbation. To tell him some of these learned sexual behaviors and kinks disgust me. To explain that the demasculation, manipulation, and encouragement toward cyber sex during periods when he was disinterested by exes is not acceptable. To let him know I actually want him, not just using him. The consequences of exposure, manipulation, and unhealthy sexual development have eroded his sense of self—the ability to explore, trust, and leap into the unknown in other areas of life. This is something he deserves given his brilliant mind and attractive body. He is worthy of a Goddess like me, but won’t simply be handed one. No, I am not giving up, and no this IS NOT sub-bashing. I expect zero abusive or dismissive messages to him or to me saying I just need to condition harder. It’s hard breaking molds set by others. I want his faith in me, for him to follow my lead when I grab life’s opportunities with both hands—not just take the path of least resistance that suits him (flying over areas like a helicopter that never lands). I tried rushing into many things as a femdom and FLR woman before realizing it wasn’t just conditioning; it was reconditioning that needed to happen. It’s one thing to teach a man who doesn’t know right from wrong. It’s another to correct a man whose sense of right and wrong is completely backwards. Sometimes it’s both, making it hard for me to find my footing and stay confident during training. He often reverts to being selfish, bratty, power-hungry, and independent of my direction—arguably because previous partners encouraged that. I often feel gaslit and overbearing, but I won’t let him do whatever the fuck he wants while calling me his Goddess. I’m not as weak as the women before him; I will give him the real sublife he deserves, not the bullshit manipulation. I just hope good days become more frequent—days when I can reward him rather than seethingly punishing him with daily words and maintenance sessions that don’t seem to change the status quo long-term. It’s like toilet training a puppy, except this one has been trained. Just trained to pee inside because previous owners didn’t care enough to take it out while they did their own thing. Bad behaviors were cleaned away but ignored afterward. Meanwhile, the poor puppy doesn’t know he’s doing wrong, and his new owner is going barking mad trying to show him not only that the behavior is wrong but also that the right way is completely different. The issue is ensuring I don’t give up while trying my best, or making sure he doesn’t resort to peeing inside regardless of reprimands because it’s easier and more comforting than learning this new phase. I hope we can look back in years as he curls up by the fire nuzzling at my feet, giggling about how lost he was as a puppy before finding me, and how powerful and purposeful that responsibility gave me. #FLR

Hope you feel better by sharing your thoughts and feelings.