Journals and blogs discussion

The Reluctant Dominatrix Dominatrix feelings: 50%:smile: ~~ Horniness: 30%:sad: So everything is changing today! I’ve finally finished University. Well, at least that’s what I hope. The last thing I want right now is to do a Masters degree immediately, but we’ll see how it goes once my application comes through. Here it is then. My blog/journal thread, and I really hope many of you will follow in my footsteps and share your own journeys for everyone to read. For those who don’t know me at all, Im Mistress Watchful. I was introduced to the world of BDSM via the internet back in 1999, when I was a submissive myself. We can gloss over those years (as they were mainly unhappy) and skip forward to 2007. After a brief but passionate start to my relationship, my boyfriend at the time—who idolized everything I did and hung on my every word—declared his interest in Male Chastity. I threw a fit. Part of me felt like my wonderful, kinky, fun-filled world had just fallen apart. I didn’t want to be in charge. I didnt want to wield the whip. I didnt want him to suddenly turn into a quivering, helpless pile of submissiveness. But he nudged me gently and I did some research. In February 2007 I bought my pet his first chastity device (as he is now affectionately known), a CB3000. It wasnt long before we had problems and challenges, so we upgraded to the CB6000, though security and wearability were still an issue. As of today I am expecting news on the creation of my #9 Lori device—a metal device that can finally lock up my badly behaved, spoilt brat/pampered pet and bring him into line. Am I ready? No. Lol. I need to kick it up a notch. I want the lifestyle; I want kinky sex every so often (I fantasize about cuckolding). But I still waver as to whether its really me. Do I deserve it? Can I cope with it? What if Im not very good at it? I do hope that this year will show more progress than the last in my journey to becoming the Dominatrix I wish to be. A pampered and spoiled Princess with kinky sex whenever I choose, and a pretty sissy-maid rather than a cheeky sissy-slut. I hope I learn to ask for what I want and tease/deny my pet into submission. I think now Ive finished University I will take some time out to re-read my books on FemDom and the D/s lifestyle. I hope I will find time to write reviews along the way.

**False start?** Dominatrix feelings: 30%:cry: Horniness: 20%:cry: I lost 4lbs last week according to the Weight Watchers meeting last night. I *hate* it there. I just cannot associate with the women there at all; they are so obsessed with eating and counting points. I don't want that in my life, I just want to eat a sensible balanced diet... I digress... Despite finishing Uni, I seem to be busier than ever, and the kids seem to be around more! There has been very little time for kinkiness or even kinky thoughts. I get disappointed easily because I can feel the Domme in me disappearing under piles of laundry, housework, and kid duties. I picked up the book again last night. I still don't like it very much *lol* but I did realize that it has a place in my life at the moment. It introduces your "inner Dominatrix" to the outside world. Boosts your confidence in public, encourages you to dress better, look after yourself better, treat people differently and I figure if I can be more dominant in my every day life, it will be easier in the bedroom. I always apologize for myself, and I always put myself down (oh... you've noticed!:neutral:) and I did it yesterday at the WW meeting, explaining to a perfect stranger that I would only be getting a 2:2 for my Degree. When I got home I thought to myself "a lot of people don't make it to Degree level... I should be proud, not apologetic". I just need to change my mindset.:squigglemouth:

I agree with you on the degree. My son is about to finish at university here and get his Bachelor of Science Degree after six years. This is a kid that finished very near the bottom of his class in high school. It took him awhile to grow up enough, and figure out what he wanted in life. Now he will have something that none of his friends have, along with an opportunity for a better job. He will graduate on the Dean's list as well.

**Time for Bed...** Dominatrix feelings: 60%:angel: ~~ Horniness: 50%:squigglemouth: Thank you chastesoon; it sure is nice to be able to have feedback so easily! Congratulations to your son too. Well, its been a busy day... my site is now up and running. I'd love to sit here and see who else turns up, but Im sooooooo sleepy! I still havent decided whether or not I will visit London tomorrow... it may help me decide on my future career, or it might throw another spanner in the works!:neutral: Ah well, time for sleepies! Speak soon.

Dear Mistress Watchful Nice to be here, and thankyou for your candidness. Just one question though, as you do not state WHICH book you are reading........I picked up the book again last night. Hope to hear from you soon to clear this up. Hope the London trip went alright for you and that the fog of life is a little clearer now.

Thats what comes of switching sites mid conversation! The book Im currently reading is "Whip Your Life into Shape" by Emily Dubberley. I have to say Im not really enjoying it. You know when you begin to study something and just want to launch into it hands-on, but you have to learn the basics first... and that can be sooooooooooo tedious! The book appears to be trying to convince vanilla females to take on some of a Dominatrix attitudes to help them gain confidence in their everyday life and love life. As much as Im desperate to get my hands on a whip and lead a life of tease and denial, theres no escaping the fact that I need to do a little background work on my own confidence and self-esteem. That Dominatrix is hiding in here somewhere and Im desperate to let her out and play more often!

**Wow busy day!** Dominatrix feelings: 75%:bigsmile: ~~ Horniness: 80%:tongue: It all started well when I saw that people were signing up here and starting to post.:bigsmile: I had hoped pet and I would have a little playtime today, but no sooner had baby been dropped off at the childminder did my eldests school call asking for someone to pick her up because she was ill!:cry: I was still not sure whether or not I was going to go to London today, but eventually I decided I had nothing to lose (As it says in the Whip your life into shape book: if you do something you have a 50% chance of success; if you do nothing you have a 100% chance of failure!) so I quickly threw on a summer dress and flip-flops and made my way to the Times Crme Executive Secretary and PA Exhibition. The outfit was a rebellious twist on my part. I knew the place would be full of power-dressed women, and Im very worried Id not fit in, so I went to the other extreme. Knowing in advance that I would be out of place helped my confidence, and it paid off. I had a lovely time visiting all the stalls. A lot of them were irrelevant at this moment in time as Im not working and still havent decided if Im going to pursue the Masters or PA training, but some people were lovely and very helpful. I picked up quite a bit of information, but developed a terrible headache, so I decided to call it a day. And head to Harrods! We need to get rich fast! I was loving wandering round all the designer collections; Im quite relieved that I could neither afford nor fit into any of the items. That would have been very expensive. I went and looked around the baby designer section, picking up virtually every baby designer outfit going—almost purchasing a 260 Roberto Cavalli dress for my little girl and matching shoes at 109—but came to my senses! The whole trip did wonders for my confidence. I definitely attract attention well; it was a wet London day and Im merrily striding around in a short summer dress (that Im not sure was decent on some of those high escalators!). I smiled at lots of people, and they smiled back. I also read most of the book during two train journeys. Hopefully Ill get a review up by the end of the week. Its definitely a vanilla-with-twist book, but it has a lot of good advice for us less confident Dommes.

It's time to apply those eco-fascist skills and aim for a higher level! As you say, what do you have to lose!