Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

Hi all,

I’m thrilled to have discovered such a welcoming, grounded community for sharing and learning about chastity life!

Background: I’ve been in a committed relationship for 11 years. He was the first man to help me reach orgasm and made me feel secure and cherished. In our sex life, he usually takes charge, though he struggles with premature ejaculation. Thankfully, he’s always mindful enough to bring me there using his mouth or hands before he finishes himself.

Lately, I’ve been shy but am gradually coming out of my shell. I’m realizing that while vanilla sex is fine most days, I need a bit more variety occasionally to really get going and keep things interesting.

Current Situation: He introduced the idea of male chastity devices—a concept completely new to me until just last month. He’s well-informed with years of fantasy built up in his head. Keep in mind that I love being spanked during sex, enjoying restraint while he uses me according to his desires. Now he wants us to switch roles.

I’ve had him locked in the CB3000 for a few days now. He’s loving it but is starting to ask for release and cumming; however, I’m not quite ready yet because I enjoy having him attend to me. We’ve established some basic rules, which he seems determined to test by breaking them intentionally! He responds well to stricter discipline: flogging, paddles, and even a strap-on from my end are things that turn him on.

The challenge for me is executing these punishments because I’m not used to being the one in control. But we both seem to enjoy it; I’ve been feeling very wet and horny as he pleases me repeatedly. Still, I know he needs to remember his place. Last night, I punished him for his rule-breaking (I can’t do much during the day with our young kids). I kept score of every infraction and reminded him that there would be consequences.

After bringing me to orgasm four times in a row, I had him kneel on all fours on the bedroom floor. His head was down, avoiding eye contact as I looked over him. My chest tightened; how could I strike this beautiful man who is so responsive, loving, and makes me feel like royalty? I alternated between the paddle and flogger while he counted each hit, pausing to caress him gently in between.

I found it sexy, yet also felt a strong sense of guilt. It almost physically hurt me to discipline him.

My Confusion: How can I enjoy being dominant over him while still feeling guilty? How do I connect with that part of myself capable of doing this? It’s incredibly arousing and I want more of it, but the guilt is weighing on me—using him for my benefit, then striking him last night as he begged to be released despite pleasing me. Ugh, I’m so torn.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with chastity dynamics? How do you manage these emotions? We have a wonderful relationship and communicate openly, but I feel I need advice from someone who has been through this before. Please help!