The household and the arrangement are the same object, or I am not interested

The thing I am looking for and the household I live in are the same object. I am not looking for a partner and then separately for a dynamic to run alongside it. I want one man in one house, where the arrangement simply is what daily life is like, with no version that gets switched on at eight and off again at eleven.

Forty one, south of the river, I am a solicitor, I own a small house with a spare room and an alarming mortgage. Two long dynamics, one of six years, which ended when he was offered work abroad and took it, correctly, with my blessing and a great deal of crying.

What it looks like in practice: he lives here or eventually does, he has jobs that are his and nobody else's, the money is run by me because I am better at it and he is relieved to be shot of it, and the discipline is mostly about standards being kept when nobody is watching. There is no separate ceremony anywhere. It is just the house.

That takes years to build and I am in no hurry at all. I would expect a long stretch of ordinary dating, then months of him being here most weeks, then a proper conversation about whether either of us has changed our mind.

Not looking for a man who wants to be directed from a distance forever. Not looking for somebody who needs an escape hatch kept open for years. Not looking for a person who would move in and then discover he had opinions about the kitchen, which is healthy in a partner and impossible in this.