We are eight months into this and we are not good at it yet

Eight months ago my husband asked me to run things and I said yes, and we are not good at it. That is the entire post. Everything we can find to read was written by people for whom this settled beautifully inside a season, and we would very much like to meet a couple who remember the part where it did not.

Thirty eight and forty one, Queens, together nine years, married four, both of us teachers, which means we barely see each other in June and are on top of each other all August.

The specific problem is that I keep asking. I set something and then check whether he is all right with it, every single time, and in asking I hand the whole thing straight back to him. He says he does not mind. He minds. We can both watch it happening and neither of us has found the way out.

So we are looking for other couples to talk to, in daylight, over a long lunch, ideally two or three years further along than we are. Not a mentor arrangement and nothing formal. Adults who have been through the same eight months and can say what actually changed.

Not looking for a third and not looking to play with anybody. Not looking for advice from a couple who have never had a bad month. Not looking to travel far, because our free weekends are rare and we would rather spend one at a table than on a train.