Open for four years, and my husband has edited this post twice

We are open, it is not new, and everybody involved knows everything. I lead my husband and have done for six years. I am now looking for a second man, with his knowledge, his agreement and, irritatingly, his editorial input on this post, which he has been through twice.

Forty two and forty four, west London, married thirteen years, open for the last four after two years of talking about it and one very bad month early on when we had the rules wrong.

What I want is a second dynamic that is genuinely its own thing rather than an extension of my marriage. Separate, ongoing, with its own shape, and not conducted in our house. He and I have a standing rule that neither of us hears any detail unless something needs deciding, which took a while to arrive at and is the single thing that made this workable.

What you would be walking into is a woman with less time than she would like, who is nevertheless consistent, checks in weekly and does not vanish. What you would not be walking into is a triangle, a competition, or a situation where you are anybody's secret.

Not looking for a man who finds the married part exciting in itself, since that is a poor reason and it always shows eventually. Not looking for anybody who wants to meet my husband, which he would find as odd as I would. Not looking for someone whose own relationship opened up last month, because that never ends well for anyone concerned.