I am looking for a household, and I expect her husband to be in it

The arrangement I want has three people in it and I am the third, which on this board tends to get misread inside a single message. I am not looking to be anybody's affair and not looking to be anybody's secret. I want an established household where a woman leads, where her husband knows exactly who I am and had a say in it, and where my part is domestic and clearly bounded.

Forty nine, the Bronx, overnight security three nights a week, which leaves four days genuinely free. Never married, no children, and at peace with both.

I did this for five years. She led, he was her husband, and I had a place in it that was nothing like his and never in competition with it. Sundays and Wednesdays, a set of duties that were mine, and a Christmas photograph I am still in. It ended when his work moved them south and none of us was willing to pretend that could survive the distance.

What made it work is that all three of us talked, together, about every change to it, and that he could stop anything as easily as she could. I would want that again and I would want it said out loud early.

Nothing paid, nothing owed, no keys for a long while. Not looking for a couple who have not talked it through properly between themselves first. Not looking to be the solution to something. Not looking for anything sexual with either of them, which I know is unusual and which belongs in the advert rather than in an awkward conversation later.